Perspective

"The soul is healed by being with children"

-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Sometimes, in my line of work, I hear the most amazing statements from family members of my patients. One of my patient's mom said the most profound thing last night, and I wanted to share. But first, a little background . . .

Her adorable little girl, we'll lovingly call her Drama Queen, was born at 24 weeks gestation. In case you're not super familiar with pregnancy terms, a normal pregnancy is 40 weeks. So, a 24 week baby is just over "half baked" when he/she comes out. LOTS of things aren't ready for the outside world at this point, and this leads to a difficult few months for the baby AND the family.

Drama Queen . . . and I use this term lovingly because she is precious as well as a handful (all 2 pounds of her) . . . has not had the easiest course as far as NICU babies go. Her mom was visiting with her while I worked with my other patient last night when a family member of the patient next to DQ looked at her and had (what appeared to mom) a terrified look on his face.

Now, to be completely fair, if you've never seen a baby this premature, it IS QUITE intimidating/scary/terrifying/fill in your own adjective here. BUT . . . it's not appropriate to make that face at a stranger's baby. I missed this encounter, and I have to admit that the mom of DQ handled it with so much more grace than I probably would have in that situation. When I finished with my other patient, she told me what happened - all the while smiling. Then she said it -

"If he could only see how far she has come!"

DQ is almost a month old and has grown quite a bit from where she began. Yes, she still has way too many wires and tubes for any baby to have, but she is alive, looks around, and smiles occasionally. Last night, we celebrated as we played "beauty shop" . . . we placed a pink bow on her head and she was allowed to wear a little shirt for the 1st time in her life. It was so exciting, and MANY pictures were taken (much to DQ's displeasure - NOT a fan of flash photography!!).

This brave mom - so content with being able to touch her baby occasionally (yep, DQ is still much too sick to get out of her incubator for mom to hold) - having the poise to overlook other's offensive looks with a smile.

Perhaps this other patient's family member was looking on, feeling sorry for her or looking on with a sudden realization of how blessed he was that the baby he was here to visit was doing so well. I obviously don't know his thoughts. I have to catch myself so I don't judge him for hurting my patient's mom's feelings. I'm reminded of what a mother once said while talking at a conference - giving us (the medical-type people) a view "from the other side". . . "My son may not be your sickest patient, but he IS my sickest child." That statement struck me and hasn't left my mind since I heard it years ago.

It's SO easy to focus so much on the medically most unstable patient on your list that the family members of the other patients can feel neglected. Not that they aren't receiving the attention they need, but that you're at the other patient's bedside so much more - almost like it's a contest of who gets the most time with the nurse. Whenever I'm in that type of situation, I have to take a deep breath as that quote comes to mind. It (on most days!!) helps me not get frustrated with the person who needs help to change their baby's diaper so urgently while my other patient is crashing and burning.

Life really is about perspective!!

I truly LOVE my job. The quote at the top really says it all for me! I SO ENJOY time with babies and children. It's refreshing to me . . . even when they keep me running for 12 hours during the night like DQ has done the last 3 nights. :-) It's just so amazing to me when God uses someone completely unexpected to show me the depth of his love for me . . . for all of us. He not only sees where I've come from and where I am . . . yet loves me anyway, but He also sees what my future holds and the plans He has for me. A parent's love is a wonderful picture of God's love for us. I got to see yet another glimpse of that the past 3 nights with Drama Queen and her precious mom.