Thoughts, Vulnerability, & Scriptures

It's late - especially for me! I have WAY to many thoughts flying around in my mind right now, so I decided to write them out and find scriptures to combat them. So, basically, this is just a blog to help me find peace tonight and get some sleep. Probably won't be too interesting for you. :)

My precious little "Sammy" is sick and in the hospital, again. This breaks my heart since it is most likely a picture of what the rest of his life will be. One infection after another until he finally succumbs and goes to spend eternity with Jesus. He is such a happy little boy, and we've all been so blessed that God has allowed him so much time here on Earth. I just hate to see him sick and in pain. I know that God loves him even more than I ever could.

Mark 10: 14, 16

" 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.' . . . And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them."

My sister is struggling with her health, also. She's been fighting with this disease for years, and it seems to be getting worse. Numerous doctors have tried different methods to no avail. I know the frustration of hearing a doctor say, "I don't know what to try next." I also know the frustration of being on the other side - someone in the medical field and being absolutely helpless in a situation. I see that side many days at work when we've done all we can, and it's still not helping. All I can do is pray for her release from this. I know that's a very powerful tool to have, but sometimes it doesn't seem like much to do - especially for someone who likes to have an answer and a way to solve problems. (It's the analytical/problem solver part of me that struggles with this situation most!) My dad shared a song with me by Nicole C. Mullins called One Touch

(WARNING: Be sure to grab your Kleenex before listening to the song!) The story in the Bible that this song came from can be found in Mark 5: 25-34

(vs. 28) " 'If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.' "

(vs. 34) " 'Daughter, your faith has healed you.' "

Today was my last Sunday here in Virginia - at least for a while. I'm not closing the door on coming back here for another stint in this NICU, but I don't see myself moving up here permanently - at least right now. I don't know what God has planned. On to the point . . . it was my last Sunday here, which means it was my last time to go to the church I fell in love with last summer. Honestly, it was one of the major reasons I returned to this area a second time. God is doing amazing things in this area of the country through the faith of His people here at MBC. Once again, I'm sad to be leaving this church. It's been such a blessing to me. As you know, music is a HUGE part of my life, and the music at this church - whether attending the traditional or more contemporary services - is always incredible. The worship leaders are so gifted. And then there's the pastor. What a man of God with a heart the size of Texas! Granted, it took a little "getting used to" last summer. (He's naturally a 'loud' person, which doesn't really agree with me.) He gives such insight into the scriptures. It's always a pleasure to listen to him teach! I also love the mission focus of the entire church. The Sunday night worship service, Frontline, "sent out" six different mission groups tonight - some local and some foreign missions. How amazing is that?!? I've been so blessed to get to be a part of this church!


Matthew 18:20
" 'For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.' "


Marriage . . . A friend of mine recently suggested I take an assignment in Alaska. The reasoning behind this is that there's a 12 to 1 ratio of men to women there. It made me laugh because when we took a family cruise vacation there, the running joke on board was that "the odds are good, but the goods are odd!" :) It's not the first time people have hinted about me still being single and pushing the BIG 3 - 0 (or, as I like to call it, 20-10). Some friends back home went so far as to suggest that I only travel for a year or two so I'd have time to get married and raise a family. In other words . . . "You're getting on up there - not so much time to play anymore." Well, I still don't know what God has in store for me in that respect. And that's OKAY! :) I honestly believe I'm where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do right now. So, my plan is to continue on this path, even if it sends me into my 30's, still single. I do want to eventually get married (IF that's what God has planned for me) and raise a family. I don't know if I've already met my future husband and just don't realize it or if he's waiting around the bend. It's all a mystery and kinda exciting. I recently bought a cd by Bebo Norman. It's one of his earlier works. The song A Page is Turned is on this cd, and I've decided that I want it played at my wedding someday! Below are the lyrics:

A page is turned by the wind to a boy in curly grin With a world to conquer at the age of ten

But as history unfolds and the storybook is told He finds salvation but not at the hands of man
And the God of second chance Picked him up and He let him dance Through a world that is not kind

And all this time, preparing him, the one To hold him up when he comes undone

Beneath the storm, beneath the sun And now a man, here you stand Your day has come

A page is turned in this world to reveal a little girl With a heart that's bigger, as it is unfurled

By the language in her soul, that's teaching her to grow With a careful cover of love that will not fail
And the God of second chance Picked her up and He let her dance Through a world that isn't kind

And all this time, preparing her the one To hold her up when she comes undone

Beneath the storm, beneath the sun And grown up tall, here you are Your day has come

Beneath the air of autumn, she took him by his hand And warm within the ardor, she took his heart instead And high upon the mountain, he asked her for her hand Just for her hand

A page is turned in this life, he's making her his wife And there is no secret to the source of this much life

When the grace that falls like rain is washing them again Just a chance to somehow rise above this land
Where the God of second chance Will pick them up and he'll let them dance Through a world that is not kind And all this time, they're sharing with the one That holds them up when they come undone

Beneath the storm, beneath the sun And once again, here you stand

And once again, here you stand Your day has come

A few of my scriptures on this topic (and I have a LOT, so these are just a few) are below:

Jeremiah 29:11

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "

Esther 4: 14

" 'And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?' "

Job 1: 21

" 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.' "

Psalm 15: 5-6

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."

And last, but not least . . . my theme verse:

Lamentations 3:24

"I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' "

As my friend in college, Jen Seeker, pointed out - the use of the word "portion" is critical in this verse. It's used to describe the exact amount that I need. Just like a portion size in a meal, Jesus is the exact right amount of everything to fulfill me! That gives so much peace. :)

Well, after rambling for an hour and a half on here, I feel much better. Like I said, this is how I work through my anxious thoughts when they keep me up - pray through them with scripture.